#i slept through the morning too
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I got to spend my last night at camp with campers sleeping outside under the stars. A bunch of them wanted to sleep out this week which is great. I love sleeping out. We sang and told star stories. I'm really glad I got to spend the last night outside with the stars and crickets, listening to my campers sleep, knowing they're safe and enjoying their time at camp. What I now also know is that the sprinklers at that unit go off at exactly 4am on Thursday nights. I woke up to an awful noise and was like, ohhh my god what's that- my campers!!! It's the sprinklers!!! MY CAMPERS!!! I threw my shoes on and grabbed my flashlight ready to start moving mattresses and calming down freaked out kids. I went and checked the sprinklers and thankfully they're all on the other side of the road and don't reach the spot where we sleep out. All the kids slept through it too. Amazing and wonderful and I'm so glad. My heart wouldn't calm down though. I was able to fall asleep again but had camp related nightmares for the rest of the night ;-;
Regardless! I'm glad I got to spend the week outside! It makes for a good story and my kids loved sleeping outside which I'm glad for! They wrote about it on their end of week evals too :D
#rays random ramblings#camp rambles#now I know- and should have already known- but in my defense it was 4am-#that the sprinklers don't reach the sleep out spot#and that they make scary noises when they turn on#I asked the kids in the morning if they heard the sprinklers and they all said 'nope!'#'xD#they slept through the coyotes yapping around midnight too
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Hello darkness my old friend (literally)
#power just went out like 30 minutes ago#hurricane milton#I'm too anxious to go to sleep#I should've gone to bed earlier so I could've slept through this#but instead I'm a dumbass awake at 1 am in a hurricane#it's pitch black in here. the only light is coming from my phone.#I don't think the hurricane is strong enough to like. destroy the house. but. um. very scared.#my first hurricane lol#I lived in the Rockies for most of my life far from any beaches#but of course my family has to move to Florida 😒#I'm gonna try to get some sleep now. I'll try to update you all in the morning#hopefully everything will be fine#I think my anxiety is just. not helping. at all.#anyway. good night everyone. stay safe. if you don't see me post in the next 24 hours. well. um. never mind. I'll be fine.
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i fell asleep but there r nine more recs in my draft sit tight!
#i get nervy bc i like the post then put it in drafts to add my tags and read later#BUT THEN IT LOOKS LIKE#I JUST LIKED THE POST AND LEFT IT LIKE THAT#RB IS COMING i prommmy#🐇 — text !#I SLEPT SM#good morning happy timezone !! <3#i haven’t dug through the wbk tags in a bit i should do that too
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anthony bourdain was right. popeye's mac n cheese is out of this world
#got sent to a fire yesterday afternoon after sitting on a different fire all day#we were one of the first crews on scene so everything was still burning and trees were torching out#the wind was against us and we ate a lot of smoke I probably have several fewer brain cells now#but we got to watch the sunset through the smoke and see the moon rise over the flames#and then we cut a shitton of fireline by headlamp and got done at 1 AM#and then rolled into a nearby meadow and sprawled out our gear and slept for a couple hours too tired to even eat an MRE#and then woke up this morning and went and finished securing the line. my back hurts#anyways we're in a hotel tonight and there's a popeyes nearby and this mac n cheese is everything I've ever dreamed of
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peach of the citt you are so epic you are so cool
anon of the ymous you are so sweet you are so nice
#anon#ask#great way to start my morning :’)#in other news MAN im sleepy. i slept TOO good to the point where now all i want to go to sleep#unfortunately wednesdays are my longest day of the week so fuckin goddamn#im sure it’ll be fine after lunch tho. but right now i want to put my head down and sleep through all my classes#students walk in and im face down at my desk with a sign scribbled on notebook paper saying ‘check google classroom’#on google classroom there’s their assignments and an announcement from me that says ‘im sleeby’
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I would very much like for this week/month/year/everything to be over
#woke up to a 3 am text from my bestie telling me she’s accidentally pregnant and doesn’t know the dad#the same bestie that told me she couldn’t support me through my miscarriage because she was too sad (for herself) about it#and I’m just over here like k cool thx I just ended my period after thinking I might be pregnant this month#cause ya know we’ve actually been purposely trying for almost a year now#also slept like shit cause my back was so tight and it literally hurts to cry as hard as I have been all morning#and it’s not even 7 am yet!🤡#mads complains#probably should delete this later#tw miscarriage
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either I imagined that my work schedule was changed so that I had to work tomorrow or it got changed back but either way the amt of relief I just experienced after setting all my evil alarms & then double checking my schedule >>>>>>
#was literally talking myself down from a panic attack earlier bc#I was supposed to be off from last thursday til tuesday#coworker walked out on friday & I agreed to take her sat shift#was violently ill in the morning & overextended myself so badly that I slept for 13 hours last night#slept through all my alarms. slept too late to take my adderall & antidepressants#& anyway. I have an exam & a bunch of homework due tuesday night that I thought I could get done over the weekend#& i’ve done exactly none of it. & i’ve already handed in too much stuff late that if I don’t get this exam done in time#the amt deducted from my grade Will make me fail the class
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...i'm starting to wonder if i wasn't actually pretty often failed by the adults in my life as a young kid tbh.
#i'm always doubtful where to put the blame#in a morally neutral causality kind of way to be clear#because like. i dont know. if i was the adult. confronted to the opaque behavior of a child. would i have done better?#but also i can't help but think#why the fuck did they make me skip a grade (last grade of primary on top of that) when i was notorious for never doing my homework#and was incredibly inconsistent across topics#like i sucked at math. like ''needs to count on fingers to do a simple addition or substraction'' sucking at math.#like i never learned any multiplication tables sucking at math#like i never got how to pose divisions and still can't at age 18 because logicomathematics are completely counterintuitive to me#and just. the work was never done to make me Get It. my work or teachers' work who knows. but perhaps skipping a grade wasnt the solution#or like#apparently when i was three years old the pediatrician suspected smth was up with me#either autism directly or ''generally suspicious child'' we're not clear on that#but he told my parents. and everybody said ''we better test that'' and then. nothing. idk.#they filled a parental report of behaviors questionnaire for... adhd i think? autism maybe. and that's it. never fucking heard about it.#god. i just remembered my mom saying proudly they almost never put me in the nursery as a kid.#always either with a parent or family or a nanny.#and perhaps mother. you could have foreseen that a kid with no siblings no pets no kid neighbors no playdates. would end up socially fucked#i remember the teachers scolding late students and showing us that we were supposed to be in bed by 9:30 or something#and internally i was like BUDDY AT 9PM WE'RE HALFWAY THROUGH DINNER#MOM'S BEEN HOME FOR LESS THAN AN HOUR#and shit. i don't know. i was scared of the dark as a child. to the point that even with the compromise#of keeping the door ajar and lights in the hallway (which i had to fucking advocate for btw)#i still slept curled up in the bathroom on a towel sometimes when it got too scary#and i would cry and scream before going to bed. i would beg my mom for sleeping pills from a young age.#i would often find myself in the morning sleeping with my face smushed between the pages of the book i literally fell asleep on#because i read until my eyes gave out#and a couple years later when i got a 3ds i'd play at night and if my dad caught me he'd storm into my room and i'd hide under the comforte#and he'd punch a couple times and whisper-yell at me not to do that and go to sleep#it took until i was about 15yo for me to see a sleep specialist
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sua seriously needs a nap (–˛ — º)
#☁︎ manon's mind#i slept so bad last night#grrr i swear it’s only ever when i have class in da morning >.<#but i also have 6-9 today#so it can’t be too too long#though it will be happening#oh but happy hump day!#half way through the week my friend wooo
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ive been in a venom mood lately i keep telling myself maybe this is finally my sign to start reading comics again but then i just keep fucking falling asleep as soon as i get home
#literally only reason im even on tumblr rn is because i fell asleep at like 8pm. and woke up like an hour ago#so now im wide awake at almost 3am#i had so many plans for tonight but now i cant do them bc its 3am and not like. 10pm.#like i had only a 5 hour shift today for the first time in 4evar. and in the MORNING TOO. so i was like wow i actually have free time#but then sike. no i dont. bc i fucking slept through it. sighs#maybe i'll just start browsing marvel wiki again to get an idea of where to go#OR WAIT NO. its been so long since i read any comics i feel like i actually wanna get back into it by rereading !!!#let me go reread the asm issues for the tenth time. my beloved venom origin comics#brot posts#v posting#would u all believe its been over a year since i read a comic.#or wait no i was reading the lethal protector 2 issues earlier this year#but yknow they were one offs i mean i havent been consistently comic reading in my free time for over a year
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inconsolable before clocking in
#personal tag#i dont want to work i dont want to work i dont want to work i dont want to work#at least its only a 10 and a half hour shift on one of the busiest days of the week!#at least i slept through all of my meals yesterday and since i can't eat in the mornings i get to be hungry too!!#life is so great!#not to mention i thought about my mom for like five minutes this morning and now i'm pissed off#god i don't want to do any of this#i can't even listen to music right now#i can't watch a youtube video#i can't read#i can't do anything to distract myself or enjoy my time before my shift#because everything just makes my head hurt
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[y’all I do believe I am Catching A Cold and it’s Super Fucking Trash]
#out of fabric || ooc#weather update || behind the scenes#yesterday I woke up feeling Not So Great#and figured one of my coworkers passed something on to me#I slept in super late this morning and am feeling a bit better/worse at the same time? like I'm moving through it quicker?#god I fucking hope so#I work too many jobs to be sick#I just hope that between now and sunday I get sorted out#that's when I do baby care and I don't wanna get any babies sick :(#but also stares at draft box longingly#I wish I had energy I feel like trash#a dollar to me if I get sent home from work#but also you gotta give a bitch credit for showing up hell or high water#lord willing and the creek don't rise#I MISS FLORIDA#send me back to gatorland usa
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.
#miss my partner :( want to hold her and just sleep#they radiate heat like a fucking space heater and its a little insufferable in the warm months but i always miss it when its gone anyway#they always nearly push me off the bed and steal the blankets from me. sometimes even my pillow will get halfway stolen#it takes me ages to fall asleep when theyre here cause they move so much (she cant help that though so i dont mind)#but the whole experience is a lot nicer when they're here to share it with me#i think i like to complain and pretend i think all of those little things are annoying cause theyre inconvenient but i actually love it all#because i love them#not being able to fall asleep and waking up at every little thing means i get to be awake when they reach for my hand to hold in their sleep#and it means i get to lay there and just listen to them breathe or listen to their heartbeat#and sometimes if i wake up a few hours too early#to the first light of the morning shining through my window#i get to look at her for just one quiet moment in her most relaxed and peaceful state and its so beautiful to me#the way that the light dapples her skin and kisses each one of the freckles on her cheeks. its so pretty#everything about them is lovely#i wouldnt care if i never slept well again if that meant i could sleep next to them every night
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lack of sleep puts stress on my body stress causes tummy to feel bad tummy feeling bad makes it hard to sleep causes more stress on my body keeps tummy feeling bad
#had a nasty headache saturday night. couldnt fall asleep bc it hurt and tylenol and ibuprofen werent helping#took a benadryl at midnight#slept til 9am then slept again from like 11 til 3 pm#then took a 'nap' from like 7-8pm#tried to go to sleep at like 4am couldnt fall asleep til like 7:30 this morning#only slept til 10:30 but wanted to power through so i could sleep tonight#was far too sleepy to function properly so i took a 3-6pm nap#went to the grocery store had dinner#now my tummy feels gross and im nervous about being able to sleep tonight#not sure if i want to take a benadryl for sleep again or if it'll just make me too tired#i'd take it earlier#and i can't nap all day bc i have work tomorrow#but if i'm tired from taking something that would be bad#but if i can't sleep.....#idk right this second i feel like i could pass out#maybe i should just go to bed now lmao but. tummy.#r.txt
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is it covid, is it [REDACTED], is it just that i worked out really hard yesterday?
place your bets now
#my quads just ache and its *deep*#i slept through both of my alarms this morning#im not tired im Weary theres a difference#feelin kinda queasy feelin like i wanna eat everything but nothing too mught have had too many carbs and sugar#(see: grits and a peach; alani nu and banana; some crackers)#but i dont have the energy or wherewithal to make food with more protein#my trainer did absolutely kick my ass yesterday tho oh my god i was Sweatin
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And the cycle begins anew . As it does every week
#vent continued in tags sorry gang#every fucking monday ma ends up pissed and yelling about SOMETHING#sorry that im taking the meds that actually help and im not miserable and in pain all the time and throwing up all the time and i didn't#hear the baby making a mess at four in the morning . shocker that the meds that knock me out would prevent me from waking up to hear that#and its not like i can even be upset that she's mad . i was mad . i am mad . i did my best to clean it up#and its not like he only got into her shit. he got into my shit too. he ruined and wasted my stuff too.#when he was able to get into my room and destroy things all the time it was always “dont act like that#he doesn't understand . you cant be mad at him#why would you leave it out if you didn't want it destroyed“ as if i had any other fucking option#maybe if i didn't have fuckin . 8 sheets of drywall (?)#two metal floor vents and a fucking DOOR just sitting in my room i'd have space fo put my stuff and i wouldn't bitch about it#he doesn't get into my room anymore because i have a lock that i have to carry the key for around 24/7#but i do myfucking best to keep him from getting into shit but i CANT DO THAT ALL THE TIME#ESPECIALLY NOT AT FOUR IN THE MORNING WHEN HE IS ACTIVELY BEING SNEAKY AND IM SO KNOCKED OUT I COULD WOULD AND HAVE SLEPT THROUGH TORNADO#SIRENS . SHOCKER THAT HES ABLE TO DESTROY SHIT WHEN IM IN SUCH A STATE . WHO COULD'VE PREDICTED THIS .#im trapped here i can never fucking leave jesus christ#i can never leave. what the hell am i gonna do#i cant do this for the rest of my life . i want to move away so bad but i cant even do that#im too disabled to work like i need to to support myself i cant move to another state but its the only way i'd be able to escape this#unless i move to fuckin . chicago or some shit#god i hate it here i hate myself for not being able to handle it and being upset and being dramatic about it all#and i hate myself for being so tired of it because i dont have any excuse and i hate myself for being so upset that im not able to have#a social life and being jealous of my younger coworkers that talk about hanging out with their friends or like . goin to the fucking park#on a weekday and not being constantly messaged about how bad their baby brother is and how they need to come home asap and#how they aren't wrecked by the guilt of being out even on the weekends and i hate that im so jealous of them#and i hate how embarrassing it is that im the only one of my coworkers who doesn't get asked what they're doing on weekdays anymore because#everybody knows exactly what im doing. im staying at home watching the baby#and i hate how humiliated i am every time one of my friends cancels plans last minute and i hate that i lie to my ma about why plans change#god that got long and obnoxious . sorry gang (me rereading my tags later)#puppmeo misery
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